it hurts more in the daytime
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
