Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
