sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
