I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
