so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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