ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
