His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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