yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
