we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize