his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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