the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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