Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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