I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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