Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need a beard to bite.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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