I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
