did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
