drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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