By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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