I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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