the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are two peas in an std pod
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
