She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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