I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
