Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
