Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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