i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
