I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
