who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
