Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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