And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
