he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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