I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize