my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
