3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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