We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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