did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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