So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
