I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
