Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
