I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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