in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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