Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
