apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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