i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
