Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
