And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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