mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
