Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
