he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
