Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In America we eat man semen.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
