nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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