Swine flu. Run for my life!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
