i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
