my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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