I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
