i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
