She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
