Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
