Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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