So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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