I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
