i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
don't judge my taste in strippers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
