I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
