Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
