I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
