Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
