Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
