Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
