thus making me awesome and them whores
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
