So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
