I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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