I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize