I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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