My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
