no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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