That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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