Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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