I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
