i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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