guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
